Womens Health Studies

I found the Half the Sky documentary to be the most interesting, informative, and shocking thing I learned in this class. It was such an eye opening experience and I couldn’t believe some of the things that are going on in this world. I feel like living here in America, we are sheltered to a lot of the horrors and tragedies in other part of the world. We see what goes on in our country in terms of violence and such but the learning about female genital mutilation and bride burnings…. I feel completely naive in saying this but I never knew those even existed. It was truly a humbling and eye opening video that I believe needs to be shown in more classrooms.

Women and Sexual Assault

There are so many different situations that women can be sexually assaulted. It may be done by a complete stranger, a friend, or even a family member. I recently went to see my cousin and she told me about a personal incident that happened years ago. She was helping my grandmother, who lived in Serbia, recover from a double mastectomy. A male friend of my grandmothers would stop by the house a few times a week to help her out with things around the house. One evening, he stopped by like he always did and asked my cousin to help him get something from the garage. She didn’t think anything of it because he was a family friend and trusted by my grandmother. When she got to the garage, he pushed her against the wall, started groping her breasts and kissing her on the neck, back, and face. She started crying and begging him to please get off. After she was able to finally get herself free, she ran into the house sobbing and told her grandmother what happened. Now because this was in a small town in Serbia, the police would not really do anything about it but the town people would take care of it. All my grandmother had to do was tell one person and the story spread like wildfire. They don’t know what happened, but my grandmother said she hasn’t seen the man since. Sadly, this story is not uncommon and it takes a lot of courage for a woman to share an experience like this. You feel shamed and guilty like it’s your fault, but it’s really not. My cousin knew to be aware of her surroundings. She had a good head on her shoulders and when it came to a family friend, she let her guard down like most of us.

I had a similar experience happen to me, however it was a trusted coworker. I’ll spare the details but I did report him to the University. I don’t know what happened to him, but I never want back to that job after the incident. Being only nineteen when it happened, I was ashamed, embarrassed, and scared.  In hindsight, I can look back and see all the warning signs of what was to happen. I was young, ignorant, and naïve though.

 So, what can we, as women, do to protect ourselves and reduce our risk of a sexual assault? Most of it is common sense, being aware of your surroundings, and making smart decisions. Many women can be raped or assaulted when they are intoxicated and not surrounded by trusted friends. Drink responsibly and always have a safe ride home! If you’re going out, go with a big group, be responsible to one another, keep a phone on you at all times, have some extra cash if for some reason you become stranded and need a taxi, and don’t be alone with a stranger. Walk in areas that are well lite, park your car near lights, always tell someone of your plans, especially if you’re going alone, and keep doors and cars locked at all times. Some others tips include reading or watching the news, be informed of areas where attacks may be happening. If you like to go out and run, stay on a well trafficked path and don’t put both head phones in your ears to where you can’t hear what’s going on around you. Take a dog if you have one. Dogs are a great protection and your chances of being attacked are very minimal. We should always listen to our instincts too, they’re normally right. If you don’t feel safe or like you shouldn’t be there, you probably shouldn’t. It’s not a bad idea to carry pepper spray or maybe even a concealed carry. God forbid you ever have to use one, but I love what Thomas Jefferson wrote to George Washington in a letter - “One loves to possess arms, though they hope to never have occasion for them.”

Stressed Spelled Backwards is Desserts

I like to think of myself as a stress free person. I’ve tried very hard and learned over the years that there are things that are beyond our control and sometimes you just have to “let it go”! I believe everyone has experienced stress to one degree or another and we will all continue to but learning how to deal with it is the key.

As in most marriages, my number 1 stressor is finance related. I’m the ‘saver’ in our family, my husband is the ‘spender’, whether it’s on himself or others. We’re trying to tackle our debt and save money but it’s not the easiest thing to do when you have complete opposites. We have talked a lot about our finances and set goals for when things need to be paid off and how much we need to save each month and it seems to be helping tremendously. Other expenses always seem to creep in though whether it’s an emergency room visit or a moving violation ticket. One thing that is working is I have an automatic draft taken from our account each month that goes into a savings accountant and it’s not easily accessible. Coping with financial stress isn’t easy, however, implementing these strategies and simply making smart choices about when to spend money and when not to has been the very helpful. Always live below your means is what I like to live by.

 My 2^nd stress is probably that I just found out I’m expecting with our first child and I’m constantly tired. While this a joyous time in our lives, I’m having difficulty in finding motivation to do school work. I just want to sleep when I get home from work and the weekends are the worst. I want to be able to spend time with my husband in my down town and enjoy all the excitement that comes with having a baby whether it’s shopping for the baby or going to dinner alone for the last few times possible but I either 1) Don’t have the motivation or energy or 2) I’m doing/need to do schoolwork. Outside of work and school, we’re also very involved in our church and that takes up a bunch of our time as well. However, I will have to say, I would be a much more stressed out person if it wasn’t for our church and my relationship with the Lord. The best coping mechanism that I think will help me is to just learn to live in the moment and not be constantly thinking about what needs to get done next. Having a better calendar schedule for my school work may help and make sure I take the time to still ‘date my husband’.

My last stressor is connected to the first two – buying our first home. Our goal is to purchase a home next summer (which is right around the time the baby is due) and this is a time when a lot of expenses will be adding up. Moving, having a baby, graduating from school, not working, applying for a government job, and not having a single family member that lives near us (all are in California) is a bit scary and overwhelming when I look at the big picture. I honestly freak myself out when I think of what’s supposed to happen next summer. Simply not thinking about it is the best thing I can do and taking it one day at a time and tackling one hurdle at a time is what I need to do. I told my husband already I will need his help because usually I’m the more ‘responsible’ one - the one who pays all the bills and takes care of finances and does the research for things like home loans and such. I sometimes can put too much on my plate and be a bit of a control freak. Learning to relax and let things happen is necessary I’ve come to realize.

I know how blessed I am to have such minor stressors in my life and when I look at them, I can’t help but laugh. How silly is it that I stress out sometimes about these things when there are FAR worse things I could be stressing over. I have a wonderful, blessed life and a loving and healthy husband and a relationship with God that has kept me.